very funny - almost like 4400 rel 1.3

[knightr1der]

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend

7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child
Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs
itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization
and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and
crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected
"Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst
attempting to run
any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work
on this program. Can you please help?

.... AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the
functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT

PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator
to run everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible
to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it
is
installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended
up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and
Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with
the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur,
whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........



C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the
*Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times,
and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.


To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as
"Flowers 2.0" and
"Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\
UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child
processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version)

or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported
Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES!

Yours, Systems Analyst

[frank]

lol, good one